A CHAT

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

  • Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
  • Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
  • Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
  • Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
  • Dad: Hey are you awake? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
  • Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
  • Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
  • Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
  • Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
  • Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
  • Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
  • Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
  • Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
  • Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
  • Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
  • Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
  • Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
  • Dad: Fuck the government.
  • Dad: Fuck the school board.
  • Dad: Close the door.
  • Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
  • Dad: I love puns.
  • Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
  • Dad: Please shut up.
  • Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
  • Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
  • Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
  • Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
  • Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
  • Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
  • Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
  • Dad: They act like I care what they think.
  • Dad: I hate homework.
  • Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
  • Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.
Reblogged from Ferrick History
A VIDEO

limey404:

my friend let me have some of his leftover henna so i gave myself some gravity falls-esque tattoos… we’ll seee how this turns out

this was way harder than it looked dang i was in desperate need of a control+z function the entire time

Reblogged from nahhh maybe later
A PHOTO

goon2goblin420:

spoopy6:

skelezor:

Highly emotional photo of a skeleton soldier on the battlefield, exhausted, from fighting off so many fuckboys

The Skeleton War takes its toll on us all

tired and weary bones

Reblogged from Ferrick History
A VIDEO
Reblogged from nahhh maybe later
A TEXT POST

zackaroth:

IRL FOOTAGE OF DASHCON STAFF LEAVING HOTEL

image

Reblogged from LolTime!
A PHOTO
Reblogged from No Reports
A VIDEO

onlylolgifs:

Computer simulations that teach themselves to walk.

Reblogged from No Reports
A VIDEO

ask-gallows-callibrator:

bloody-dragon:

IF YOU’RE BROKE AS ME BUT STILL WANT TO GROSS PEOPLE OUT ON HALLOWEEN, HERE YA GO.


YOU NEED:

-WATER
-FLOUR
-TOILET PAPER
-SOME DARK EYESHADOW(black, greens and browns)
-SOME RED MAKEUP(lipstick, eyeshadow or whatever)
-FAKE BLOOD
-2 HARD BIG BRUSH, 1 SMALL BRUSH, A MEDIUM SPONDGE(can be found at any hobby store. Take the cheapest you can find).

optional: powder brush and blue food dye.

Be super creative and make really gross wounds. To make it look deeper, just build up layers.
Rice and spaggeti can be used as worms and maggots.

YOU’RE WELCOME.

Blitz means camera flash.

great for cosplay, too!

Reblogged from No Reports